Do you let others decide what you wear? What you eat? Where and when to travel? Or who to love? Of course not. You are a grown-up and the rest of us are not. So why do so many Chinese feel it's acceptable to give their power over to society, friends, family, whomever?
In order to grow a life you love, it's important to have the right skills. We have 5 life skills that are super important and often overlooked. These 5 skills help us live a more fulfilling life, with less stress and more meaningful connections.
1. How to set and negotiate boundaries
Many people don't realize it, but the concept of boundaries is something we learned to communicate as a way to survive. As babies we learn that if we cry, our parents will come to us. We learn that when we throw a tantrum, our parents will give into us. And slowly, we learn that if we push our parents beyond their limits, they'll leave us.
As adults, many Chinese struggle with boundaries because they believe setting them is selfish or rude. Or worse yet, they believe that if you set boundaries for others, then you're a jerk or controlling. We feel ashamed of their feelings and think that if you want something from others, the only way to get it is to suffer in silence until they offer it.
In reality, there is nothing wrong with asking for what you want or need from others. In fact, people are more likely to help you when you ask than if you suffer in silence and expect them to know what you want without asking for it.
2. How to deal with failure
Chinese people are hard on themselves when they make mistakes. We tend to think of failure as a reflection of our incompetence and therefore something to be ashamed of; we would rather hide failure than face it squarely and learn from it.
This is unfortunate, because failure is an essential part of the learning process. It gives us the opportunity to see what works and what doesn't, so we can adjust our actions accordingly. It also allows us to develop our resilience, which is a quality that helps us bounce back from difficulty.
3. How to self-care
Self-care is a concept that is both simple and profound, but it's not necessarily easy to understand. It's a process of learning how to put your needs first in your life, even if doing so means stepping on toes or ruffling feathers. It's something that Chinese people, especially men, often have trouble with because we're so used to putting everyone else first.
In Chinese culture, the idea of putting yourself first feels selfish, and most people aren't taught how to do it. Even those who are taught self-care methods like meditation can have trouble implementing them in their daily lives because they don't know how to do it correctly or simply don't have the energy for it.
Self care is about making sure that you're happy and well taken care of. It's about having the energy and resources you need to be able to help others when you want to or need to. It's about remembering that your happiness matters just as much as anyone else's does, even if it sometimes doesn't seem that way. Self care isn't easy, but it can change your life for the better if you give it a try—and maybe even make you a little less grouchy in the process.
4. How to be alone
Being alone is as important as being together. We should learn to accept the fact that being alone is not bad, it's necessary. We should learn how to be alone and enjoy it. Only then will we not feel lonely when we are alone.
For the Chinese, we are always surrounded by people, but we rarely enjoy our own company. We don't know how to respect the moments when we are alone. Many people think they need to be with friends or family to enjoy life. However, I think this is wrong.
Being with others isn't always better than being alone. If you can learn to love yourself and be yourself, you won't need anyone else to make you happy. You will be able to face life and all its challenges on your own and still come out on top.
To enjoy life, you must learn how to be happy with your own company.
5. How to let go
Life is full of struggle. We have to let go of so many things to move forward. Learn to let go of your past, relationships, obligations and bad habits. Letting go doesn't mean you forget them, but it means you don't allow them to weigh you down. Life is too short to stay in the past.
If you keep holding on to what's already passed by, you might miss out on your future. Try to live in the moment and appreciate the small things in life. Don't hold on to the past because it will only bring you sorrow and pain.
Letting go is hard, but it is one of the greatest lessons we can learn as human beings. Make every second count. If a relationship doesn't make you happy anymore, end it and move on for your own sake and happiness. Life is too short and precious to waste every day being unhappy and wishing for the past.
These skills can be useful in both your personal life and career. As you go through life, you see that many people get stuck in the same place over and over again. They always want more but are never happy with what they have. Developing these skills will help you realize where you are, how far you have come and how far you have to go. So learn all these skills and become a better, stronger version of yourself.